Day 50: Just call me Dr. Lector

February 19: Nightmares
Describe the last nightmare you remember having. What did you think it meant?

Sweating, out of breath, rocketing to a sitting position scaring the hell out of the person sleeping next to you. This is how I imagine most people waking up from nightmares. I however, do not. On the rare occasion I remember my dream, I usually forget it within fifteen minutes of waking up. No matter the content of my dream, I have never been jarred out of my sleep wondering what the hell just happened. While I shower, I rack my mind trying to recall even the foggiest of memories of where I had traveled to or met just a few short hours prior in my mind. Even the good dreams, especially the good dreams, I try to draw on the smallest of scenes to piece together a full dream. Rarely, very rarely does it happen. “Keep a dream journal,” I have been told. HA! Like I am awake enough to write that early in the morning. I plan on trying, though. Random flashbacks throughout the day or a déjà vu moment can trigger other parts of a dream coming back to me. I say a dream because rarely am I certain that it came from the dream the night before. I can tell you most nightmares, death is involved. Not just death, but murder. I am starting to think I watch too many cop/psycho shows on TV. Serial killers haunt me in my sleep, yet I have never caught one while I sleep. Now that I think about it, I have never seen one of the killers in my dreams. Am I meant to write about these serial killers I keep dreaming about? Am I meant to become one of the serial killers I keep dreaming about? Hopefully not that last one, though. Not sure how well I would fair as a serial killer. The sight of blood usually makes me turn the other way. Plus I do not think I have the thought process to be a serial killer. They must constantly be one step ahead of everyone. The media, the police and especially one step ahead of themselves. I feel as though serial killers have to be meticulous planners, of which I am not. They plan ahead by at least one or two murders if they are to be successful and not get caught. My nightmares are vivid and imaginative and feel real. While I may not remember details, I remember that much. I also never die. I have watched everyone around me die, to complete strangers being killed, but never me. I am always left alive trying to put together the pieces. And you ask me what all this means, what my dreams tell me about myself… My dreams tell me I think about death WAY too much.

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