“We don’t fall in love with people, we fall in love with ideas.
Ideas of what we want people to be like. How we want them to treat us. Love us.
Just greedy ideas that we want for ourselves.”
Interesting concept. I read this not too long ago, but the idiot in me thought not to add the author or where I saw it. As someone who at times believed love to be a fickle and unrealistic idea, I found this interesting. But seeing as how I am in a fairly long term relationship (nine months, which for me is rather long) and in love with the girl I am dating, I am re-evaluating my thoughts on the subject. Love has been used throughout the history of time. From Homer to Shakespeare to Jane Austen and even J. K. Rowling, love has driven some of the most famous stories ever told. Why wouldn’t love also drive the real world. The quintessential American dream in the 1950’s was seen as a good job, a stable family and a little white picket fence with a home of your own. A stable family would mean love. Love of a spouse. Love of your children. Maybe even a love of your in-laws. Can in-laws love? Another topic, another time. Love is the means by which people find purpose in life. But a love of what? People love many different things. They can love people. They can love pets. And they can even love careers. Lets take a better look at all those one by one.
Pets. Dogs, cats, fish, bunnies, they can all be pets. For me, it is dogs. Mans best friend. Dogs greet you every time, as if they have not seen you in ages. They cuddle with you no matter what. If you have a bad day, they can always bring a smile to your face. Dogs, or any animal for that matter could be the brightest part of your days. Love of animals is nothing uncommon. Most animals love everyone and never shy away from attention. They bring smiles to many peoples face. Sure, you’ll never go to the bathroom alone. You’ll have to take care of something that will never be able to truly express what they are feeling, or what they want. But, at the end of the day, it is a small price to pay for such a loyal companion that can tell when you’re sad and try to cheer you up. A even smaller price when you think about no matter what you do, they will greet you the same way every day, with unimaginable, non judgmental love and care. And for any single guys that read this. Get a dog, go to the dog park or a walk around your local University. You’ll thank me later.
Careers. Some people hate their job. Others love them. Most struggle day in day out to find that dream job. They have passions, but passions do not always pay the bills. We want a job that makes us happy to wake up in the morning. If anyone can be happy about waking up early in the morning. Jobs, when we have to take the work home with us, we enjoy. Sure, jobs can be tedious, but as can passions. When Picasso painted or Hemingway wrote, one can only imagine the struggles and restless nights they must have gone through. Artists put a small piece of themselves in their works. Most people put a little bit of themselves in some part of their careers. They have too. They invest all the time and effort to get where they got, so surely somewhere along the paths of their lives, they struggled and overcame their struggles. Do yourself a favor, don’t love your career? Change it. Be happy to wake up in the morning, and take delight in what you do. I understand everyone’s situation is different. You may feel stuck, but you are never truly stuck. Some might find it easier to change their surroundings than others, but it can be done.
People. We all have people in our lives that mean something to us. We may even love those people. A look at the beginning for most. We love our parents. Our mother who birthed us into this world and our father who let her squeeze the hell out of his hand until we were pushed out into this big scary world. Mothers and fathers who shield us, protect us and guide us in this scary world. Parents that pays for our way for many years as we get our feet under us and try to make a hold on the world. Sometimes, as mine did, they let us make our own mistakes, and instead of shaming us they encourage us and help us see the error of our ways. Other people we love? Grandparents that spoil us, friends that help pick us back up. Friends to always share words of advice and encouragement. Finally a significant other that makes all the trouble of heartbreaks worthwhile. A person that stands by our side, sees our faults and still chooses to be with us. A person who goes through life not knowing what is coming around the corner, but ready to take it head on because you have each other.
Pet: My Boston Terrier has done one of these, or all of these on many different occasions. He is only about 3 years old, and he has truly been a blessing for me. Check out my Instagram. He is the main part of it. Bad day, just walk through my door. He’s a constant spurt of energy, which at times can get annoying. But I would not trade him for the world. He has seen me through some rough times.
Careers: I love history. I love education. I currently work for a major university, with their Technology Department. This job will allow me to go back to school cheaper. Get a few Masters degrees. I work in a field that challenges me daily and with individuals that share similar goals and passions. While I still do not enjoy getting up in the morning, I also do not seeing that change no matter my job, I am excited to come to work.
People: Parents, while they did not birth me, they did love me enough to want to be a part of my life. They let me do my own things, yet still help guide me. Friends are always willing to lend an ear and help me whenever they can. Significant other? I’ll get to that later in the post.
Back to what started this post. “We don’t fall in love with people, we fall in love with ideas.” Ideas of what a parent, friend, job, and pet should be. Ideas that have been ingrained in the minds of the masses for years and years. And most likely will continue to be. I am not saying this a bad thing. I rather enjoy love. With love brings caring, compassion. Love can change lives. Love can save lives. It did mine. I was adopted. My birth mother and alcoholic father knew better than to try and raise me. And a good thing they did not try. My adoptive parents haven given me a life far beyond my wildest dreams. It has not always been easy, but they have never once faltered in their love for me. And for that, I am grateful. They chose to love me.
“Ideas of what we want people to be like. How we want them to treat us. Love us.” I always had an idea of who I wanted my significant other to be. Smart, talented, passionate and attractive. Call me vein, but it is true. I am attracted to beauty, so of course I want my significant other to be attractive. But have my ideas discombobulated my own thoughts on love? Not just for my significant other, but also for my parents? My friends? Even my job? Can I truly ever say I love something or someone? Or have my ideas of what something or someone suppose to be, completely shrouded what I perceive love to be?
The final part of the quote, “Just greedy ideas that we want for ourselves.” This whole post was for me to analyze my current relationship. Am I being greedy for “loving” or “being loved” by her. To quickly describe the girl I am dating. She is Majoring in One foreign language, while minoring in two. She is a passionate dancer, lover of animals. She has a brain, and is not afraid to show it. She will put me in my place when I need it, yet also be the first to praise me and tell me she is proud. She is never content. She always strives for that next big thing. She wants a life full of, well, life. She has the right amount of preparing for the future, learning from the past, and living in the present. Let me make it clear, she is not perfect. Although neither am I. We will never be perfect. Before I met her, I had already an idea of who I wanted my significant other to be. As I described earlier, my girlfriend comes pretty damn close to all my ideas.
“We don’t fall in love with people, we fall in love with ideas.” This is true. We all love ideas. Ideas of traveling, ideas of careers, ideas of people. But that in no way makes it unlikely we also fall in love with people. We fall in love with people simply because, my ideas have their limits.
“Ideas of what we want people to be like. How we want them to treat us. Love us.” My ideal woman in no way could have prepared me for who my girlfriend really is. The same with my parents, family and friends. Having these grand ideas are great. But ideas are simply that, ideas. The people, careers and way my life goes is real life. Ideas can form into reality, yes. So in some way, I am sure my ideas have shaped my surroundings.
“Just greedy ideas that we want for ourselves.” Greedy? Sure, you can call me greedy. I call myself happy. Happy I never once settled. I have my ideas, and my ideas may one day become reality. They may never reach their potential. But my love, my love and the love of those around me has far surpassed my ideas.